Love (of Siam) Is Sweeter The Second Time Around

Finally, I’ve seen the entirety of The Love of Siam. It took me days to prepare software needed in order to download the movie and subtitles. Watching the segments at first made a deep impression in me, but watching the movie as a whole left an indelible mark that I’ll look upon as long as I live.

I’m picky on movies. Everyone close to me knows that. I only watch a movie that suits my complicated tastes. I want a movie to have a deep substance, must reflect the very reality we’re living in, and a frank but sympathetic portrayal. That is why I only watch an average of only three movies a year. If watching a movie is rare for me, then writing a review is much rarer. In high school and elementary, I was forced to write movie reviews on movies that I was obliged to watch and really didn’t like that much. But after watching TLOS for the first time, I know that I would die if I won’t write a review. Just like Mew, words came naturally into my fingers and I kept on typing until I made my first movie review on my own will. I like to say so many things about TLOS only if space constraints didn’t existed. I might bore the readers if I had my first review too long and too wordy. And thankfully, I now have the time to write a second review. A bit surprising, but here I am voicing out my opinions on TLOS for the second time.

My first attempt to watch the whole movie was to download a torrent file of the Director’s Cut with hard encoded English subtitles. It was 1GB in size and unfortunately it would take me another millennium to finish its download. But I still searched for means to watch it. Like a blessing sent from heaven, a popular Asian streaming site has the standard theatrical version. It uses soft subtitles so I uploaded subtitles first then watched the movie from start to end.

I didn’t notice that more than two hours had passed. Every scene and line stuck in my memory and felt the intensity of the story. Those made me want to obtain my own copy of the movie. The next day, I went to Clip Nabber and downloaded the entire movie. Feeling kinda guilty? Yeah, a bit but that's the only way I can watch the movie. The FLV files were then converted to AVI. Unfortunately, I couldn’t use the subtitles on Windows Media Player. I watched it all over again but even without the subtitles, the movie’s true intention and power proved to be so powerful.

The struggle on learning the true meaning of love and friendship is a long road and lessons are learned the hard way. The line between what is considered to be friendship and romantic love is sometimes really confusing given that someone has harbored deep feelings for a fellow. Mew and Tong only have one another to share their burdens and ease their pains. Being together was therapeutic for them, like a medicine that cures loneliness and emotional scars. But the resulting feelings got them tangled and they hit a snag as they were going their way. Having a complicated love angle is like a prank joke gone wrong. You can’t sleep at night. You can’t concentrate on what you do. It’s just natural to have some episodes like that when you’re a teenager. But having feelings for someone in the same sex? Now that’s really something.

Mew mirrors the teenagers who are deprived of their much needed love and affection from the people around them. The death of his grandmother, Tong’s departure, plus the absence of his parents who are working in Rayong is a sure fire formula for the loneliness and deprivation that he felt. He has lived alone in his grandma’s home since his grandma died. His neighbor Ying isn’t of much help to ease his pain.

Tong mirrors the teenagers who are living in their metaphoric ramshackle homes. Broken families who were shattered by failed marriages, harrowing experiences, and dysfunctionality. Going home for him is like setting foot in a sinkhole. All the problems that plague his family hung in their home’s heavy emotional atmosphere. A drunkard father who accuses himself as the cause of Tang’s disappearance, a mother who transformed into a woman Hitler as she tries to grasp control of everything in the family, and a never ending feeling of guilt and despair for Tang’s disappearance.

Together, Mew and Tong rolled with the punches of life. The togetherness for them provided a sanctuary from the sick realities of their emotional scars. A sanctuary in which they can breathe their sigh of despair, ease each other’s burdens, cry on their shoulders, and chase all the ghosts that haunt them. The same feeling of togetherness became a breeding ground for their feelings. Confusion ensued as to what kind of relationship do they really have. Neither Mew nor Tong ever thought that things would go so complicated. They can’t bear to comprehend and understand what is really going on between them. They searched the answers for all the questions and worries that taunt them, and they learned the lessons the hard way. No one anticipated how sad the answers can be.

Donut mirrors the contemporary teenagers. She has the mind of a robot, which made her numb to feelings. She is the same as the large number of cosmopolitan teenage girls nowadays, who are the several Donuts that we see everywhere. They would just like to flaunt their beauty, their fashion, and their material possessions, unmindful of their own and other’s feelings.

Ying mirrors the martyrs who rather have their loves be happy with others. She could’ve told Mew that she loves him when Mew accidentally uncovered Ying’s secret unrequited crush at him. She overheard the confrontation between Sunee and Mew and that’s how she knew that Mew is in love with Tong. Ying still hoped until the end that Mew would change and that he will finally love her. But she has to stop hoping and accept the truth the boys really love each other.

The true spirit of friendship also manifested in the movie. Mew and Non are very close friends since they are bandmates. On their PE class, they were partnered to demonstrate a first aid technique. Non drew from the box and picked up CPR. He played a joke on Mew when he suddenly spat out and asked Mew why he put his tongue in Non’s mouth. Of course, that was a joke. But being teased as a sissy is Mew’s weak spot. Mew snubbed Non but it was actually nothing for him. They were fighting over a silly thing and that Mew shouldn’t make any issue about that. When Mew didn’t show up for their band’s audition, Non misinterpreted it and thought that he was the reason why Mew is angry. Their relationship cooled and Mew was removed from the band. June handed Non Mew’s papers and she told Non to talk to Mew nicely. Non showed up at Mew’s place and asked for forgiveness if he is the reason why Mew is angry. Mew eventually told him that he’s not angry at anyone; it’s just that he isn’t in the mood to sing the songs anymore. Nonetheless, Non assured Mew that he’s there to take care of him when he needs him. If there is a character in TLOS that I can very much relate to, it would be Non.

Love cannot solve everything, unless we learn to accept things as they are. For Sunee, she realized that being in too much control of everything to take care of her family isn’t the right thing to do. Through June, she and her family have learned to accept the fact that there are just the three of them. Tang will never come back. They won’t need June anymore. But if they learned to stand on each other, their family will be happy and will be able to overcome any obstacle towards their emotional healing. And for Mew and Tong, they realized that they can’t be more than what they used to be. If the love that they feel for each other is really the love that they want or just a confused state of mind, only they can answer.

The scenes flowed naturally. What dull camera angles and lighting are others talking about? The director made a very good job in portraying the movie as natural as possible, as if someone would see it unfold with his own eyes. No excessive lighting, no exaggerated sound effects, no overhyped shots. A breakthrough story, a magnificent screenplay, and high caliber people; TLOS really deserves every award it reaps, especially the Best Picture awards. Originally targeted to the teenage market, the general public has learned to appreciate this masterpiece which I think every Thai should be proud of.

Despite some circles that labeled the film as a “gay movie”, I’m so glad that many intelligent film critics have expressed their opinions about TLOS in a much objective tone away from the hype that some circles had created. In fact, I feel sorry for those who stirred up the controversial element and made it a sensational item. Focusing only on the complicated love angle between the boys is foolish enough for a viewer to label a very meaningful and well-crafted film as a queer thing. Doing so clearly undermines the real meaning and power of the movie. Even the Bangkok Post reviews didn’t mention the word ‘gay’ even once. They missed so many good things because they thought that the movie only revolved in that hair-raising, roller coaster love affair. Homophobia is not the issue here, but on how some moviegoers impertinently and irresponsibly interpret the movie. It just proves how cynical people can be when it comes to discussing such complicated matters. I just hope and pray that it won’t stray and land into queer film festivals. I’m very sure not even its director, Chukiat Sakveerakul, would allow it to happen.

TLOS has left me a deep, indelible mark that I will always look into for the rest of my life. It changed so much in me. I learned so many indispensable lessons that I will, and must share with everyone.

I’ve never encountered such a life-changing movie, and perhaps never will again.

(Written by JM Reyes, Manila)

*If I Should Write Again...

Have you ever been plagued by something but can’t find the right words and the right person to tell it?

It’s been nearly 24 hours since I began to think about something that I thought I won’t be able to do anytime soon; to write a new novel. The first novel I completed was through a collaboration with a dear friend. It was a romantic comedy, not really much of a fancy. While planning it, we were dreaming of something big. But when it was through, it was like just watching a typical Korean/Taiwanese soap. Never to be a classic or a hall of famer.

But I felt proud of my first work after all. It was the first. It was memorable. During the time we were making it, I spent at least three hours a day in front of the PC. That caused my eyes to get strained and I often get headaches. With that suffering, I said to myself that I won’t be writing a new novel anytime soon. There would be at least a period of about a year or so.

Last night, my fingers got itchy and so I opened MS Word and grabbed the keyboard. I have this idea in mind. I can see the scenes unfolding. I can feel the characters. But when I’m about to type the plot draft, the cursor just stared blankly at me. I was suddenly out of ideas that were buzzing a few moments ago.

I’ve read manuals about how to write a novel but those didn’t help much either. And here I am, left with someone really in me… the writer. But how can I function as a writer if I can’t tap anything on the keyboard?

The reality just froze me. If you experienced something, it would be a lot easier for you to make a story about it. Yes, I experienced that story idea, but I can’t find the words to make it into a prose.

There’s no stopping. No matter what happens, I’ll pursue on this story. Because if I can’t tell it frankly to everybody, I’ll just give it life on paper.

(Written by JM Reyes, Manila)

*If I Should Love Again, song by Barry Manilow

Escapism and Reminiscing

Ever thought of being somewhere else instead? The four corners of your room start to kill you slowly. If you live in a tropical area like mine, you’re likened to a melting butter if your room lacks air conditioning. And not even YouTube and the 100-channel universe could make up their resources to entertain you. Just go ahead. Dress up smartly, open the door and step out of your house. But where will you go?

You would probably just go somewhere else that would be glitzy or cool enough for your senses. I live in one of the most chaotic metropolises of the world. Manila is a melting pot of cultures. Ambience varies on each place where a certain culture is prevalent. Binondo district houses Manila Chinatown because of the large Filipino-Chinese community that resides there. Intramuros is the fortress city that was built the Spaniards nearly 500 years ago. It looks like an old Spanish-era town with cobblestone roads and Spanish-inspired architecture.

But for me nothing would beat the glitzy and urban atmosphere of the country’s prime Central Business District in Makati City. Dubbed as the “Philippines’ Wall Street”, the Makati CBD is home to the headquarters of the top Philippine companies and multinational corporations. The stretch of Ayala Avenue, the CBD’s main thoroughfare, is also called the “Millionaire’s Strip”. Until about nearly two decades ago, Makati CBD didn’t look as it is today. The land where it stands is formerly the Nielson Airport, Manila’s international airport of the ‘30s and ‘40s. Ayala Avenue and Paseo de Roxas are where the airport’s two former runways are located. Makati Avenue used to be the main taxiway and the main passenger terminal and apron are located on where Ayala Center now stands.

After the airport was transferred to its present site at Nichols Field in Pasay City in the late ‘40s, the land underwent a face lift to transform it into a CBD. The runways and taxiways were transformed into roads and the airport facilities were handed over to the Ayala Corporation, the airport’s land owners. The original Nielson Airport tower is still on its original form and site, now housing the Philippine Heritage Library.

Former President Marcos issued building restrictions along Ayala Avenue in the 1970s and 1980s. The buildings should be no more than 12 stories high and strictly no parking along the avenue. The height restriction has since been lifted but the parking has still to be done on the back streets so as not to create congestions along Ayala Avenue. Many new skyscrapers were built giving the place a highly cosmopolitan culture, as it now also serves as an entertainment hub.

A few kilometers east of the Makati CBD lay another fantastic place to spend time at. It is the Bonifacio Global City (BGC). Contrary to what the name suggests, it isn’t really a city at all as BGC is a part of Taguig City. Rather, BGC is set to be a model of an ideal city. BGC’s urban planning is one of the finest I’ve seen. It houses upscale condominium buildings as well as high-end office buildings like Net One and Bonifacio Technological Center. More high-end and state-of-the-art skyscrapers are slowly beginning to take shape. Major multinational companies have begun to set-up their offices in BGC. Prestigious international schools, hospitals, and entertainment establishments are located there as well.

Those two are my most favorite hang-out spots as they are the only places in Metro Manila where I can have a ‘relaxing’ ambience. Relaxing because going to those places is like a therapy for me. When in reality, those places are hustling and bustling with life, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I relieve a lot of my childhood memories in Ayala Center, the high-end shopping center located on the mouth of Ayala Avenue. It houses several malls and department stores that are inter-connected through elevated walkways. Back in the days when SM Megamall and the SM Mall of Asia were inexistent, Ayala Center is the place to be for those who live on the south of Metro. Mum frequents me there when I was a baby until I was 3 years old (circa 1990-1992). Back then it wasn’t Glorietta yet. It was called Quad, four malls adjacent to each other meeting at the center. The present-day Glorietta atrium was then an open space where concerts are held. Outside, the place was full of greenery, giving a sense of calm and oasis in the middle of the country’s nerve center. The old Quad looks like 4 dark red bricks facing one another in a circular fashion. Inside, the feeling is very ‘70s or ‘80s, a typical look of the Philippine malls of the yesteryears. A stone’s throw from Quad 1 is the Landmark Department Store. Landmark at that time was Makati’s, if not the country’s, prime department store. We used to eat lunch at the Landmark Foodcourt located on the lower ground level, which also houses the supermarket. Upon riding the escalator, you’ll be greeted with a large red and white signage that indicates where you are heading. It used to be Jollibee that sponsored that signage. Now, it’s McDonald’s.

Nowadays, when I go to the Landmark Foodcourt I never fail to relieve what is probably my oldest recollection of an anecdote. During the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, the Philippines was experiencing a major electricity crisis and blackouts where a common sight. During one of my lunch times at the foodcourt (circa 1991?), I saw a Caucasian kid about the same age as mine seating on the table next to us on the aisle. He was wearing the same fashion statement as mine, tight short shorts and big striped shirts, just some of the remnants of the ‘80s that were left lingering at the time. He smiled and waived at me, and I waived in return. What appears to be his dad arrived with their food and was about to begin lunch. From out of the blue, the kid farted so loud and in no time the whole building plunged into darkness. Emergency lighting went on and people started laughing, perhaps they heard the loud flatulence too.

After lunch, we then go shopping on the upper floors. The toys department was a paradise for me. All the coolest and latest toys of my time were there, and in some occasions mum, dad, or uncle bought some of my favorites. I can’t exactly remember what are all those but two of them stand out. One is the Bugs Bunny stuffed toy. It had rubber teeth back then, unlike now where it’s just a piece of cloth. All whiskers are now either missing or mutilated. I hated those whiskers when I was a kid. The other one is the Garfield stuffed toy. Its eyes back then were made of hard plastic; nowadays every part is made of cotton. It was a bit tougher than other stuffed toys and flatter than any other Garfield stuffed toys. Those two are still in my old toy cabinet, stored for posterity or perhaps they’re waiting for their new playmate (could be my kids!).

The sidewalk patterns around Landmark are one of the place’s icons. I had fun looking and walking on those radiating circular patterns. And somewhere in the corner I would see the frothy root beer signage, an ad style that is very ‘80s. None of it is left today. The good thing though, is that much of Landmark hasn’t changed at all. Many remnants of the past can still be seen, and felt. The building wasn’t altered and outside it still sports the typical ‘70s department store look. Inside, very little has changed. The department store still looks and feels like the yesteryears. The supermarket conveyor belt counters are still working fine. Except for the ceiling above the cosmetics department, Landmark retains its glory of the days gone by.

Greenbelt then wasn’t the high-end shopping and restaurant hub that it is today. It used to be an oasis. The fish pond is home to kois and visitors can feed them. An open-air chapel is located nearby which celebrates mass on Saturdays and Sundays.

The moment you enter SM Makati, it feels like you're stuck in time. Built in 1967 and one of the city's oldest department stores, SM Makati retained its '70s layout throughout much of its life until it was given a major overhaul in 2004. Inside, a vast array of shelves goes all the way as far as the eye can see. It was one of the largest department stores I've seen. The layout though is very chaotic. Escalators were scattered across the area and a lack of signage for directions tends to make even the most frequent shoppers to get lost. SM Makati is where my first trike was bought when I was 2 years old.

The present-day Glorietta 4 carpark used to house Fairmart Department Store. I don’t remember anything about Fairmart anymore, since it was our least frequented place. Rustan’s Department Store wasn’t the huge concrete monolith that we see today. Back then, it was bathed in colors. It was covered in shiny blue glass and other colored glass decorated the exterior. Whenever I remember how Ayala Center looked like on those days, I can’t avoid comparing the place to Singapore. The pictures of Singapore I saw at that time were very much the same as Ayala’s; Lush greenery and cleanliness amidst the face of modernity and economic prowess. Even Changi Airport reminds me of those.

The Ayala Center trips were cut off for a long time when nearby malls SM Megamall and Shangri-la Plaza were opened in 1993. Since then, most of my childhood malling experience would be concentrated on those two. It took several years before I finally set foot again on Ayala Center. I used to come with my dad and uncle whenever they go to their bosses in Makati. I was already on fourth grade when I stepped again on Ayala Center after many years of not having been there. I eagerly went on every cranny and nook to relieve what was left of my early memories of that place. So much has changed after only 7 years.

Nowadays, I go there just by myself to unwind and reminisce. Greenbelt’s lush greenery still never fails to soothe me. There is no other place that has so much meaning and memory to me than Ayala Center.

When Market!Market! opened in 2004, it opened the doors for further commercial development of BGC. Market!Market! to me is the place to be whenever I’m frustrated to go to Japan. For me, it is the most ‘Japanized’ mall in the country as it houses several Japanese shops, restaurants, and caters numerous Japanese grocery items too. It is where I first cherished my Tensai Terebikun nostalgia. Every year, I never fail to go there for a ‘pilgrimage’ to reminisce my Tensai memories. But now, there is more to that.

Ever since I tried on the new route to Market!Market! via The Fort Bus, I saw how the rest of BGC is being developed. From the moment the bus disembarks from EDSA terminal, you’re taken into what seems to be the future of Philippine urban planning. I prefer to sit in front of the bus to take advantage of the view as it passes by. BGC doesn’t look and feel like the Philippines. My eyes are glued to everything I see. The new high rises, posh parks, high-end establishments, and the orderliness of the place. At daytime, BGC is like Singapore; modern architecture, clean streets, and strict discipline. But at night, BGC is like Bangkok. Nightlife there is so vibrant. Many internationally-famous restaurants found their way on BGC to cater for the upper class Filipinos and for middle class folks who treat themselves for a taste of just experiencing the food and entertainment there.

I used to tell gimmicks just to get to those places. Whenever I feel like dropping-by, I just go ahead and cast off my worries when I get there. Escapism by the way of cosmopolitan and urban areas is a therapy to me. It makes me forget the flaws of living a normal life as a suburban kid.

So the next time you feel weary or bored to death, why not step out of your door and explore the city you live in?